So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
