He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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