Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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