D3 body, D1 cock
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
