So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
