When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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