i just made my gag reflex go away.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
