So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
