The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize