Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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