So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
