to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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