1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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