I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
