You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
