so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize