It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
