I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
