I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
