i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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