Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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