how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
