sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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