this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
