I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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