I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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