She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
