I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
