Well apparently he's into motor boating.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
