if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
