I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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