omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
