FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
