found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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