So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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