so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
