bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
