Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wear drunk well.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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