I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
