i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
