ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
