He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize