Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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