remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
