so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
a search helicopter?!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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