Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
