I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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