We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
