I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
