hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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