I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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