operation harelip BJ is a go
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
