You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
