Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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