I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
