my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
