we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
