I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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