He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
