Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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