My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
