Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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