Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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