you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
