I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We are all done wearing pants today
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
