I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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