his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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