i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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