I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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