mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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