a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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