Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
