I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
