I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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