You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
