dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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